Please Note: The following captions were all dictated by Max. As you read them you may wish to remember that his voice sounds like something between a Chicago gangster and an aging Broadway diva who’s smoked too many cigarettes. Think along the lines of Krusty the Clown and Harvey Fierstein. The views and opinions expressed in this page do not necessarily reflect the values and beliefs of troyandjonny.com. Good luck.

Well, here it is, Max’s World. A crappy page full of photos and cute little cutlines. This is what we’ve been waiting for? This is “my world?” All I can say is they put a lot more work into the freakin’ baby blog. If you’ve got nothing better to do, go ahead and scroll on down. Watch my pathetic little life unfold before your very eyes.

Here I am, a wee pup that weighed less than eight pounds. I was born in a horse stable outside of Chicago on March 15th, 1994. My mother was a Welsh Corgi with a pedigree as long as my ears and my father was a wiley Jack Russell prone to jumping the fence. I was from the third litter of these beautiful unions. My first name was Maxwell and then Maxamillion. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever.

Here I am in August of 1994 when I was taken away from my first mommy (what was her name? Anyway …), who took me away from my real mommy and gave me to my current mommy and her man. Yeah, that’s right, I call her Mommy. I always have. You got a problem with that? Here I am with Mommy in our little back yard in Chicago, which is my home town. We lived there together for two weeks.

My new mommy and that guy took us to start a new life in Austin, Texas. Here we are in our first family portrait on our way to Texas. We are in my grandmaw and grandpaw's back yard in Salina, Kansas.

We finally made it to Texas. Here’s me in my cheesecake pose. I have to admit I do look scrumptious.

Here’s me and Mommy during the two and a half months we lived together without her man. He had to do a play in Chicago, and these were very happy times for me. I had Mommy all to myself. Mommy, I love you soooo much!

Then old what’s his name showed up. What is his name? Anyway …

In the summer of 1995 my mommy left me with my "Papa" to go to Laramie, Wyoming and do plays. This was very hard on me, but he did his best. Thank God we got to visit Mommy there. I am guarding us in this picture.

On September 23, 1996 Papa and I were taking our morning walk in the rain when out of nowhere this little mangy mutt showed up. Next thing I knew I had a little sister named Molly.

I trained Molly not to chew on things. I was definitely in charge. Yeah, those were the days.

Here we are at my dog park with my pack.

Ah, yes. Another Halloween and another frightening experience. Mommy and Papa are always making me pose next to their terrifying orange balls.

Here we are at the Grand Canyon in the summer of 1997. We had left Austin for good and frankly, Molly and I weren't sure what to think. We are here with Mommy and The Lady whose legs I love to lick.

We moved to New York City in 1997! I have now been in this place for eight years and have yet to see any big time city action. As far as I can tell it's just like any other place, full of parks and trees and other dogs. This snapshot is one of Papa's favorites and was taken on the beach in Montauk, Long Island. I did a little swimming, a little fetching, a lot of barking.

This is me running through our woods near where we live. Few things make me happier than running with a stick in my mouth. Apparently this is the picture my Mommy is going to use as her "focal point" when she's in labor. Whatever that means.

Have you ever seen anything sweeter than this? My good buddies Heather and Aaron took care of Molly and me one Christmas when we were ditched by our parents, and they were kind enough to capture a beautiful moment when they saw it. What a charming dog I am!

This is me flying.

These are my damn cousins that live in Illinois, Jack and Sam. On this day I bit Jack's tongue so bad it almost fell off and caused all kinds of problems. Hey, don't go messing with Max if you want to keep your tongue. Sam has since joined Molly in that special place where there are plenty of sticks to go around.

Ah, another Halloween and more humiliation. This is Molly the Angel and Max the Devil. Ha, ha, ha. Well, on this very evening a video camera captured Molly trying to kill me, so I think we all know who the real angel is.

This is my pack, again in the Salina backyard. Can you imagine having a yard like this to pee in all the time? Heavenly!

Here we are at our happiest. Oh, Molly, I miss you, I do!

This is one of Mommy's favorite pictures of me. She thinks I look insane.

This is Molly giving me a walk along the beach on Fire Island. This is one of our last pictures taken together. Thanks for the memories, ol girl! Thanks for the memories. Where's my mommy? I need her to hold me. MOMMY?!

What's more humiliating than having a dog walk you? A little toddler. This is some kid they call Noah. He gives me lots of his food and for that I do love him, whoever he is.

This is one Thanksgiving in Summit, New Jersey. Don't we make a cute couple?

Another gorgeous shot of me with some flowers at Fort Tryon Park. I should've been a model, I know.

Here we are on my mommy's birthday this past year. I think she's 22 now.

Something awful has happened to my mommy. I'm not ready to talk about it.

I'm feeling a little stressed out. Why is she getting so fat?

Lately Mommy and Papa have decided they want to have lots of pictures of me doing mundane things so they went and bought a digital camera. I feel like they're stalking me. Here begins a series of pictures taken within a couple of days. I guess they're bored.

Here I am walking near the river across the street from our new apartment.

Same walk. Isn't this exciting?

I think I hear something.

Here I am eating my breakfast. They only feed me once a day and frankly I think I'm getting too skinny. I'm starving over here!

This is me right after my breakfast. This is one of about ten pictures Papa took of me licking my mouth.

Here I am with my beloved Mommy at Fort Tryon Park.

Here's an artsy picture Papa took of me and suddenly fat Mommy in the little cross walk thing between our apartment and the walk to the river. They don't like me peeing in this thing.

Ah, the safe security of being near my mommy's sweet smelling feet. I have to guard her at all times.

And here I am at the Hudson River under the G.W. Bridge near the famous Little Red Lighthouse. Aren't I majestic?

This is quite possibly the last picture taken of me as an only child. I have come to accept it and plan on protecting the new puppy constantly. I am hoping he comes to think of me as his mommy.

I am now in charge of the new puppy. He is the best salt lick in town. I have cut down on my important barking so that the puppy can get his rest. Soon I will teach him to hunt and then we'll bark together.

Look! This is my mommy and the new puppy!

Sometimes they just leave the puppy on the floor like this so I make sure he's okay. If he was to get hungry I would find a way to bring him a rabbit to eat.

This is my 11th birthday. Mommy is busy with the crying cub. But I understand. I'm very patient now.

I got beat up a while back by an enormous wild wolf while on a walk with my papa. He left three teeth holes in my delicate stomach and I am now on a lot of drugs. I will never let a wolf or any other animal hurt the puppy.

Here I am with the cub who is suddenly becoming a very fat little fellow. I think they feed him more than they feed me. Lastly, I would like to thank Allison in Arizona for caring.

Lately the whelp has become obsessed with me. Frankly, he is interfering with my private time more often than not. Here I am trying to bark under the table, and he can't take his eyes off of me. QUIT STARING AT ME ALL THE TIME! AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, QUIT GIGGLING WHENEVER I WALK BY! I AM A SERIOUS DOG!!!

Here's Mommy telling me something like, "Don't growl at the baby" or "Don't bite the baby" or "Don't eat the baby." I tune it all out. I've heard it all before.

Here is me caught in the heroic act of telling the little one to pipe down and quit playing so loudly. What would they do without me?

Here I am on my 12th birthday! March 15, 2006. I think I look great, especially next to that practically hairless pipsqueak. Mommy is being extra nice to me today and hasn't yelled at me once.

And now it's November. They just don't keep up with my page the way they used to. The kid is getting sassier and sassier with me, shooting me high falootin' looks if I so much as growl at him. He also tried to mount me the other day as if I was a horsey.

Much time has passed since last you saw my striking face on here. It's August 7th, 2007, and over the past few months I have become worse than ever, barking and growling at the loud and fast cub and peeing inside the apartment every chance I get. Then I overheard Mommy talking about finding me a new home so now I'm back to peeing outside. She's beginning to love me again.

What a beautiful picture of me next to my old river. As you might notice, an enormous storm is brewing in the sky and we are all about to get drenched. Oh, sure, they put the pipsqueak into his fancy carriage with some sort of magnificent rain protector and so he stayed completely dry. Mommy, Papa and I were not so lucky.